A prayer, a wish and an ode to Basant after a long and harsh winter

The fear of death has always been at the door of my heart, not of myself but of everything else. Each season that passes, I surrender in the knowing that death is the only constant. My spirit rejoices in that knowing, everything that has moved through its lifecycle is complete and will leave space for newness. My small mind clings to everything in hopes to have just one place to stay, to be, to rest. The lifeless roots and leaves crumble between my fingers and their dust is carried to the ethers. Over and over

When I have grasped at the last bits, exhausted to my core and felt every bit of my former self slip through my hardened fists, the tide turns.

The one I long for all year has finally arrived to wash over my barren bones with warmth.

I start to unclench my fists, uncurl my spine and lift my head to the sky.

At first it hurts to unfurl, I had become used to the hardened state, the protection mode but as more warmth circles me I start to remember inklings of softness.

How it felt to let my hair down,

how my hips could sway like the boughs of a cherry blossom tree caressed by the spring breeze,

how my lips parted with such ease to speak in honey at the sight of love, much like my legs.

how my heart opens up when laughter makes its way from my soft belly, reverberating through my centre, opening my throat and tumbling out of my mouth.

how a breath feels when it’s not ragged

how it feels to just exist.

As life grows anew, so much of it is also a remembrance of the ease we have been forced to forget, that we have been taught to feel unworthy of, that has been drained out of us. Without the remembrance, I shy away from taking in the newness because I feel like it is not mine to embody. I know that everything was designed to make me forget but when I tap into spirit, the one that is far more ancient than this heaviness and these wounds, I call back my sovereignty.

My wish for this Basant is to remember more and more who I am, where I come from, with ease and openness in my heart, lightness, spaciousness and love in my body, rooted into the wisdom of the earth but abundant flow in my spirit.

I dream about the days where I will be a deeper embodiment of home frequency, where the sun is just the right amount of warmth for both my body and my spirit, where my hands dig into soft, cool soil as I tend to an abundant garden filled with food, herbs, every flower imaginable and medicine that helps me heal myself and my community. A space where I create magic potions with alchemy of plants, spirit, love, ancestral wisdom and divine guidance. A home that is filled with divine love, plants, beloved kin, furry friends, soul elevating friendships/sisterhood, large windows that flood with sunlight and open to allow the breeze to clear the energy each morning. A kitchen where I can stand side by side with my sisters, my mama and my nani while we prepare a feast together to be served in the back yard, seated on the earth like we always have been lifetimes before. A heart that is open to goodness and welcomes love, ease, joy, laughter, connection. A body that radiates vibrance, wisdom, moves with ease, experiences deep rest, is revered and taken care of with tenderness, intention, awareness. I dream about the days where I will stand in the temple of my wholeness, my rich, purposeful, spiritually attuned, highest vibrational life backed by my Gurus and my ancestors.

For a long time I have felt no desire to create, to give birth to anything new, to be in the world outside of my protected sanctuary and that brought incredible amounts of grief and guilt. I fear(ed) that I won’t be able to grow and birth anything again from the wholeness of my spirit because the grief has taken up space in every corner of this body. I am still coming to terms with all the past versions of me, what is present now and what I want to cultivate. In the uncertainty of this human experience I am humbled everyday by its vastness and the possibilities that lie hidden in the dips and crevices.

I go to the very bottom of my vessel, when my tongue scrapes against the surface longing to quench my thirst for life and when there’s nothing left, the Divine brings me to the river to drink in abundance. The walk to the river is arduous, it feels like I am walking towards nothingness and I have to lay down to rest which is what I have been doing for sometime. The air starts to feel different the closer I get though, and I manage to put one foot in front of the other to keep moving; somedays I walk miles, others it is barely an inch. I know when I get to float and drink from the river of life and tend to myself in all the ways I need, I will create miracles from my blood and bones. From the depths of where the magic of the ancients always lives.

I hope you also tend to yourself in the ways you need, take the steps to giving yourself permission to care in ways you’ve never imagined and may the things that felt inaccessible to you come with divine love & ease.

I leave you with a prayer that my soul sister Nicole bestowed to me when I needed it most -

“You are ease
You are anchored deep into the roots of the sacred earth
Where you are nourished and cradled
You are enveloped and protected by the light and fire of the Sun
May you breathe deeply and ease fully and with grace
May you feel the presence and love of your ancestors, guides, family and Spirit
May you feel strong, ready, joyful, light, creative, nourished, rested and vibrant....NOW and ALWAYS.”

xo Navi

Ode to Basant 2021